The week before we had her open house, which went absolutely terribly. We had been talking a lot about school trying to promote it to her and get her both excited and used to the idea of school. The night of open house came and we hurried to get both kids ready to go to the church. As we were parking in what felt like a very full parking lot, which I noted meant we must have been the last parents to arrive, Emerson started to sort of freak out. She started saying she didn't like school and she didn't want to go. I carried her in assuring her it would be fun and that she would like it. After we got in I realized in my amateur fashion that I neglected to print out the email that had her room number and I couldn't remember her teacher's name because I could hardly pronounce it right. So I was aimlessly walking around thinking I would recognize it when I saw it. That is when a sweet lady saw us and asked if she could help so I explained and she joined us walking class to class trying to find the teacher because she was not sure either. All during this time Emerson was clinging to me as if her life depended on it. Finally we found the room... Mrs W is what she says to call her. She was the sweetest lady, but Emerson was still reluctant to even go in the room. But we got her to go in and distracted her with the toys. That is when she became engrossed in the play kitchen and was busy with the new toys there. While she played we visited briefly with her teacher and talked about what to expect. And then it was nearing time to go to the parent assembly in the old sanctuary. I wanted to get Emerson and Cameron so we could head over. I told Emerson we needed to leave and she said "Not Yet!" and because I am trying to get her to do what we tell her I said she would get a spanking if she didn't come with us. And she still did not stop, which left me no choice. I grabbed her and spanked her lightly, as I warned I would, and at that moment my daughter became something I have never seen... She screamed/yelled "NO" louder than I think we have ever heard her scream and with both hands slapped my face as hard as she could... IN. FRONT. OF. EVERYONE. The other moms... the other dads... the other kids.... and sweet Mrs W. I was incredibly angry, more angry than I have ever been with her... I was MORTIFIED... What must these other people think of me and of Emerson? Surely they were thinking "What kind of parent is she?"... I was shocked. Why would she react this way? I did not beat her for heaven's sake... I hardly spanked her. At that moment I wanted to burst into tears... vanish from the room without anyone noticing, but ALL eyes were on us. Once I looked around to see who was watching the other eyes darted away mostly, except the teacher who calmly came to tell me it was ok and that I should not feel bad. She knew Emerson was a sweet girl. Feeling that I was quickly going to lose control of my emotions we hurried to leave and go to the parent assembly. I could hardly look at Emerson... I was so angry and hurt... and I am not exaggerating when I say my face was still burning because it was. After the meeting, which thankfully was very short, we left to run a couple of errands before going home. As we were driving I started to cry... I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I hated that the open house went that way. Something I had been looking forward to because I was so excited for Emerson to start school went so horribly. After a while Frank saw that I was upset and he said to me "You are a great mom"... like he knew I needed to hear those words. And I did. Being honest, I am constantly second guessing myself and asking if I am being a good mom... I didn't need that night to go like it did.
So when the first day of school arrived I was hoping it would go much better. We had just had a very, very awful weekend in Austin as it was when Big Frank had to be admitted back in the hospital. It was when we were told he would possibly not live more than a week because the cancer was spreading into his brain and he was no longer communicating, but I was torn with no knowing what to do. I decided to come back home so she could go to school and we could keep the kids in their normal routine.
The morning went well... we got her dressed in the outfit I picked out. She was enjoying a good breakfast and then it was time to go. I got some pictures of her outside and we left the house to take her to school. When we got to school she was doing great... we saw all the other excited kids and parents taking pictures outside for the big day. We, of course, took some as well and in we went to walk to her classroom. Before getting there we even stopped for a first day fo school picture using their photographer. When we arrived at Mrs W's classroom Emerson was excited. She went right in and started playing. I explained briefly to Mrs. W that we may be needing to leave town quickly depending on what happened with Big Frank so she would know. While discussing this Emerson was busy playing and didn't even see us. So Kristen and I slipped away without causing a stir and all was calm. It went perfectly... no tears... no screaming... just a sweet and happy 3 year old playing with new friends... and a weary and exhausted mom relieved that there were no struggles that morning. I actually feel that my emotions for a brief moment were gleeful... This very important and special day went well... thank you Lord. I DID need that.
Since then I would say Emerson has done great adjusting to the routine with school. Sometimes she is tired in the mornings when KK gets her ready, but normally it goes smoothly. She brings home lots of fun artwork. She has recently started singing some new songs that I think she must be learning there. And she has dance on Wednesdays, which she also seems to enjoy. It is all going so well... she is even doing great with eating her lunch half the time! :)
Enjoying her favorite breakfast... pancakes!!
All ready to go!!
The photo taken by the school photographer. She was grinning because she threw the apple that was sitting on the books originally!!
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