"We live for moments such as these, when hopes and dreams intersect at a sweet spot in time. When everything we’ve always imagined arrives and assumes a perfect clarity. Bliss is possible. I know this now..."
Bliss... that's exactly what I felt. That and absolute joy. It was perfect and beautiful.
Finley's birth day started out as a somewhat normal day in my final stretch of her pregnancy. My blood pressure was sort of all over the place in those last weeks and was being closely monitored by my doctor. Just two weeks prior I had been admitted to L&D for monitoring and then on a sort of bed rest in hopes that limited activity would keep it down and controlled. That sort of worked, as hard as it was for a busy-body like me to take it easy. I got used to being spoiled with lots of help from family. So on that Monday morning when my parent's arrived so that mom could go with me to the doctor and dad could later on help me with another project on my list, I was calm and feeling so good about things. I had finished painting some pumpkins that morning that I planned to use in the newborn photo shoot after Finley arrived. I somewhat excitedly showed them to my mom before we left for my 9:45 am appointment.
Once at my appointment everything seemed to be fairly routine. My blood pressure was a little high when the nurse first checked it, but I didn't think too much of it. I expected to have the NST again as Dr. Kaye and I discussed the week prior, and I assumed he and I would discuss pulling in my c-section date by perhaps a week based on my blood pressure. Mom and I visited a little during my NST, which was going as expected as well, and my doctor came in to check on me. He checked my blood pressure multiple times with each reading coming back elevated. (I don't remember what the readings were.) He sat there for a minute entering stuff on the medical records on the computer while mom and I did a little small talk, and then he dropped the bomb... telling us he wanted to delivery Finley TODAY because he didn't want to risk anything with my blood pressure since it was much higher that morning. A bit shocked I laughed and asked about waiting a couple of days, but his serious expression and medical opinion was firm... today meant TODAY. I think mom and I were equally somewhat shocked. So I said, ok... I confirmed that he thought everything would be ok and that I was considered "early term" (I was 37 weeks 2 days). It was time... Finley would be in my arms in a matter of hours.
Dr. Kaye's wife happened to be helping out in the office that morning and escorted us to L&D. It was surreal feeling walking over. My mind was racing while also feeling a sense of comfort knowing we were prepared for everything in case something like this happened. I'm glad mom was there to keep me company and help contact our family to let them know. I was trying to reach Frank to tell him and reach Dorthy so she could drive in from Austin. I got settled in with the hospital gown and the heart rate and contraction monitors stretched across my belly. It would be many hours before go time. My dad brought up my hospital bags and all the stuff I had gathered in preparation for delivery. And I contacted friends and family to let them know Finley would be here soon. Everyone arrived to the hospital... Frank, my sister, Dorthy, my dad and brother, John Paul to see me and be there for Finley's arrival. I tried to rest as best I could with the iv in my arm and monitors on my stomach. I would reposition myself fairly often in the very uncomfortable hospital bed, but I was able to rest a little. The hours leading up to delivery were very calm. My blood pressure actually went down to a very good level while I rested and enjoyed the quiet. Fortunately, with that being the case, my doctor agreed magnesium would not be needed this time. And that was a HUGE relief.
We expected that I would be going back for the c-section between 4-5 pm, so when the sweet nurse who had been monitoring me came in around 3:30 pm and said Dr. Kaye was ready for them to get me ready for the OR, I was surprised. I hadn't thought about the prep time so much with the c-section, so looking back it makes complete sense that they would be getting me ready at that time. That's when the kind anesthesiologist came in and asked me the routine questions about my medical history and previous experiences with anesthesia. I shared with her the experience that my blood pressure drops when I get the spinal (epidural) so she would be on alert for that to happen. She was so pleasant and assertive and I liked her. My family quickly came in to wish me well and give me kisses, and off I went with my nurse and anesthesiologist. We arrived to the OR and they had me get off the hospital bed and walk in to the OR. That was a strange feeling moment. Up until that point I truly was feeling calm and peaceful about everything. But those stark white walls, machinery and chill of the OR were a challenge for me. I felt fear, I was reminded of how serious this surgery was that was about to happen. It was at that point that I reminded myself I needed to be strong and that it would all be ok. I whispered more prayers to God to give me strength and to help me be calm as I followed the instructions of my nurse and anesthesiologist. I sat up on the edge of the operating table/bed, held the pillow the nurse gave me to help roll my back for the spinal, and reminded myself to breath as I simultaneously prayed for everything to be ok. I was scared in that brief, yet never ending moment. As the needle went in I wanted to cry just a little with the fear mixed with that sting, and my breathing was more rapid, but I got through the worst part of it all. And almost instantly, as anyone who has had an epidural knows, I felt my legs start to numb and relief filled my body. I could take a deep breath again.
I got positioned on the table with the nurses help as the anesthesiologist monitored my blood pressure and heart rate. My blood pressure fairly quickly dropped as I expected it would, and the anesthesiologist was prepared and injected something in my iv to counteract it. It would work for a short time before acting up again. My doctor and the other delivery staff were in full motion at this point and Frank was brought in. He was dressed in his scrubs and took his seat right behind me. While my blood pressure dropping was a little concerning to me, I felt relieved that things were going so smoothly it seemed Still, my blood pressure kept dropping, which did become a bit alarming to me. I worried for a short time that something was wrong as I could feel myself fade as you do when your blood pressure drops. It would happen so suddenly, but each time, the anesthesiologist caught it by monitoring the levels on the machine before I would feel the effects myself. She was completely on top of things and that gave me comfort. Then it was time... they were ready to pull Finley out! The anesthesiologist asked Frank if he wanted to see, to which he said with certainty that he did NOT want to watch (ha ha)... he did not want to see too much! So the anesthesiologist took charge with my cell phone camera to capture so many images that I now treasure. I have photos of them lifting Finley out and then her being handed over to her nurse. As I listened in anticipation of hearing her cry I felt that tremendous sense of joy and relief when I heard her first cry. And then as I looked over to my left the nurse held her up so I could see before getting her checked, cleaned and doing the Apgar test. I'll always remember that moment and because the anesthesiologist so thoughtfully captured it, I'll be able to treasure that photo of that precious moment forever. We even have a picture of the clock in the OR showing the time she was born... 4:42 pm. As the nurse cleaned Finley all over and did the newborn checks and weight, etc, Frank caught some videos to send to family. In one of them you hear me laugh, that loud Emily laugh. I was just so happy, filled with joy and relief. And interestingly, my blood pressure stopped dropping once Finley was born. From then until the time I was wheeled in to the recovery room, my blood pressure and heart rate were great. I was able to see Finley face to face and give her kisses while the doctors completed my c-section. It was all so perfect, so much more so than I would have ever imagined.
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| My first time to see Finley. |
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| Look at this baby girl! |
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| Holding daddy's hand. |
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| Our first picture with Finley |
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| When I first got to tok to her and give her a kiss. |
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| Daddy's first time to hold Finley |
Once in recovery, I was able to do some skin-to-skin time with Finley, and we checked to see if she would nurse any, and she did! It felt so comforting to have her on my chest and to nurse. I was shocked, but I already had some colostrum that she was getting. After that I asked if my family could come in to meet Finley as I didn't want to keep them waiting. [Note: For over five years I have been reminded of how long it took before anyone could meet Emerson! I did what I could this time to expedite that. ;)] So they came in to meet Finley and of course, everyone fell in love with her upon meeting her as well. Her precious little face with that little nose... even with her eyes closed with that goop they put on them, she was a doll. She had moments of calm, content to be bundled up like a burrito and she'd have a good cry every few minutes, too. I briefly wondered if her intermittent crying was a sign she could be a bit of a grumpy baby (because some people have those sweet and grumpy babies), but she's not grumpy at all now. It's a big transition going from the comfort of my uterus to the cold and bright world outside. The kids arrived and came in to meet their baby sister while everyone was in the room as well. Cameron was thrilled and had the biggest smile on his face when he got to sit down and hold Finley. Sweet Emerson seemed a little overwhelmed with it all and took a little time before she was ok to hold Finley. It was a busy room filled with loved ones all overjoyed with Finley's arrival!
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| Skin-to-skin time in recovery |
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| Emerson meeting and holding Finley for the first time. |
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| Cameron holding Finley for the first time... he was so happy! |
It wasn't long before we were transferred to my postpartum room... everyone helped grab a bag and made sure we got everything upon leaving L&D. The nurse wheeled me as I held Finley and Frank, Emerson and Cameron joined us on the elevator ride to the 4th floor. After getting in to the room for the night most of our family left and Justin and Alyssa stayed a bit to get some cuddle time with Finley. I was still feeling so happy and I remember joking with Alyssa that having the catheter in due to the spinal still being in place wasn't all that bad at all. I was content to hang out in my hospital bed and hold Finley and nurse her, etc. I wouldn't have changed anything. During our first night after the night nurse came in to give Finley a little sponge bath and wash her hair, we sent her to the nursery so I could get a little rest between feedings. She was sleeping mostly, but we took the opportunity to try to rest some, and I am glad we did.
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| Our beautiful baby girl |
The next day was a bit more challenging as they removed the spinal and had me get up to use the restroom and begin to walk around a bit. Man, I did not want to! My pain level, while still controlled, had risen a bit with the spinal coming out and going on oral medication. They gave me Naproxen, which I and before and tolerated well, and Percocet, which was new to me. Pretty quickly we discovered Percocet was much too strong for me! I was as loopy as I could be and struggled to stay awake and be alert! Fortunately we changed the medicine to be Norco, which helped control the pain without making me useless! I had the typical recovery stuff going on... my abdomen was filled with gas, and that hurt! My uterus was hurting and the nurses were coming in every few hours to push on my abdomen to check it... that was a big OUCH every time! And I was weak feeling from not having actual food to eat for 24 hours and recovering from abdominal surgery. But even with these challenges and discomforts, I was in much better shape this time than I was after Cameron's c-section. I have probably commented a hundred times that I am so glad that things went differently this time! I was able to get up and use the restroom with minimal assistance and each time it got easier for me to get in and out of bed. While I did not want to walk around much, I did exactly as they recommended, and it definitely helped with my recovery. I also was finally able to order real food again later in the day, instead of the liquid diet, and that was pretty fantastic. :) We enjoyed having some friends visit us on Tuesday as well. On Tuesday night we sent Finley to the nursery for part of the night, but after the middle of the night feeding the nurse helped tuck Finley in on my chest and she and I both slept so peacefully that way. It was nice having her right there when time to nurse and I loved having her so close to me.
On Wednesday I was even better with getting up and around. Finley was doing great... had a little jaundice, but we knew that was completely normal. She was still falling asleep with every feeding, bless her heart. She just wanted to sleep! Also, as her weight was lower, again also expected, I felt better supplementing with a little formula after her feedings. She, of course, was a big fan. It was a fairly relaxing day and we enjoyed some more visits from friends and family. On Wednesday night I decided to just have her sleep on me the whole night. I knew when we went home the next day that I wouldn't be able to do that at home, or not as easily and safely. So I wanted to take the opportunity to hold her so close again. And I loved it... Even though there were the normal interruptions during the night and we were up every couple of hours to nurse, it felt natural and so comforting to have her so close and we rested together. It is one of the happiest memories I have from this special time.
On Thursday morning we began preparations to go home. My doctor sent the discharge orders and Finley's pediatrician did as well. Frank got the car seat secured in his car and family helped get all of our belongings out of the room so we could come home. I had mixed feelings about going home as I actually liked being at the hospital. :) It was such a calm environment and I was able to focus on just Finley. But I knew the kids needed us home and we would enjoy being together as a family. Even though it is a little stressful transitioning to home it went very smoothly. Finley was so calm through it all.
Our first night home went very well, to my surprise! We had a great sleeper! It's been such a dream to have Finley... I can't complain about anything at all. My emotions this time have been so calm and happy, not the tense and extremely worried emotions I had in the past. I had assumed I would have the same "baby blues" that I had before, but that just hasn't been the case, thankfully. I've enjoyed this special days so much and they have passed so quickly... too quickly as she turns one month old tomorrow. I'll share information about her first month in my next post... I hope I can stay on top of the monthly updates. :)
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| On one of my walks! |
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| All set to go home... nice and snug in her new carseat. |
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| We caught her first smile right after we got home... she also did a little giggle in her sleep. |
