Our 10th Anniversary!

This summer Frank and I celebrated ten years of marriage.  TEN YEARS.  When we married in 2005 we were so young and life was so easy.  We didn't know it was so "easy" at the time... we didn't have complaints or anything as life was really great, but what we didn't have at 23 and 24 years of age was perspective.  Having perspective is a factor of both age and life experiences as I see it, and we both were at a time in our lives where everything was so great to say it simply.  We were healthy, our families were healthy, we had great jobs and everything we dreamed and imagined was falling into place.  But that would not always be the case, as we have learned together.

In our first year of marriage we had many challenges... we found the differences in our behaviors in situations and discovered that we would need to talk through them to become stronger and have the kind of marriage we wanted.  Some things were simple, like getting Frank to wait to eat dinner with me instead of him just eating when he got hungry.  It didn't occur to him that I may like to eat WITH him.  :)  But other things were more serious, like when my dad was diagnosed with cancer.  Many people do not know how hard that is on a relationship/marriage, especially a young marriage.   I had to really let Frank know what kind of support I needed from him as we went through the uncharted territory of my dad battling cancer.  We had to find out how to best support each other... for him to support me as we both, especially me changed emotionally, no longer as naive and blissful about life in general.  Our first year of marriage was the hardest.  We did not ever reach a point where we felt like we were not happy and needed a change, but there were so many tears for many reasons, and I'm thankful that rather than it tearing us apart, that it strengthened the love and appreciation we had for each other.

We continued through a few years of marriage that were more smooth sailing, so to speak.  We enjoyed some wonderful vacations... we built a new house together!  The same year as we built the house I had a career change and was in school getting my MBA.  Big life changes that can cause problems in a relationship, but we were great.  Frank's calm nature soothed my anxious nature many times!  Usually all of the decisions when you build a house cause conflict, but we did not have that.  It felt again like life was truly wonderful and we were SO happy!  We decided it was time to start a family!

On our 4th anniversary, I realized I was late and took a pregnancy test to discover I was PREGNANT!  How wonderful to find out that blessed news on your anniversary... it was a good sign, we thought!  But then, we lost that baby.  Life forever changed when I went in to find there was no longer a heartbeat.  I had so many dark moments after that, but Frank remained strong during that time.  While that helped at times, it also caused some friction with us.  I was struggling... why wasn't Frank?  Does he want a family as badly as I do?  He must not if he is not as sad.  Those are some of the thoughts that crossed my mind and we had to work through.  Surprisingly, with the sadness in our hearts during that time, we experienced one of the happiest moments in our marriage when we took a vacation to Lake Tahoe... we recognized we needed a trip together to get away and it was everything we needed to heal and find happiness and peace again.  Just he and I in a beautiful place... it felt majestic and heavenly as we looked out at Lake Tahoe... the fog hovering gently over the gorgeous blue water as the sunlight came through.  We found and felt happiness again when it felt like that was not possible before... our emotional fog lifted.  We also, as it turns out, conceived Emerson during that trip.

Lake Tahoe on a beautiful morning in October 2009

By the time our 5th anniversary came, we had welcomed Emerson, a beautiful and healthy baby girl!  But I was a mess... postpartum hormones were so rough on me and who helped me in that emotionally disastrous time?  My devoted husband.. Frank was not only super dad he was super hubs, too.  While he, I know, was freaking out on the inside with the new parent struggles, he supported me and comforted me as I learned I really was a good mom and I figured out how to care for a newborn.  My love and appreciation for him grew even more when we became parents.  Now, frustration was there, too, of course.  We found we handled things differently when it came to parenting... and we still do.  I do things the right way (duh) and Frank still has much to learn (ha ha... I really am kidding).  I think that is always going to be something you balance as parents... we have to be consistent on the important things, and we are always working on that.

You can fast forward a few years... another pregnancy loss, but another beautiful blessing and then when everything seems to be wonderful and joyful again, we found ourselves being hit with the terrible news of Frank's dad having cancer.  It hit us like a ton of bricks... a terrible blow from out of nowhere.  Why was this happening?  Fortunately, by this point in our marriage we didn't find ourselves struggling with how to support each other, we were both hurting, especially Frank, obviously.  During the 9 month battle that Frank's dad endured, Frank and I comforted each other while balancing so many things.  Life is not always easy or fair, as we would see and feel that fair should be.  It is hard to see your husband go through losing their father.  It was not the timing we "expected" to be looking at... of course you know that it is likely that you'll have to go through losing your parents, but you hope it is much later in life.

That next spring and summer we had some wonderful vacations together that were much needed for us... the first was Cabo, which was perfect.  A getaway for just the two of us.  It was romantic and relaxing... what more can you ask for?  Then to Hawaii with my family where at the end of the vacation we again enjoyed some time together, just Frank and I.  Something we both realize is how important it is to have time for just the two of us, whenever we can arrange it!  With young kids, work, household responsibilities and other demands of life in general you have to keep focus on your marriage.  We have heard it many times that you have to always work on it and make it a priority.

Frank walking along the beach in Cabo

Sadly, on night of our 9th anniversary we found ourselves in a hospital room saying our goodbyes to GG, sweet Virginia, a lady who meant to much to our family and to our children.  And in this last year even, we had another pregnancy loss to be followed by the joyful news that we were expecting again.  It's part of the journey and part of life.

As the time came this summer for our 10th anniversary we arranged a nice date day/night thanks to KK, who watched the kids for us.  It was not the 10 year vacation that we talked about once before realizing we instead wanted to have a third child.  We would have loved to do a big trip like go to Europe or something similar, but we are thankful to postpone that and instead be grateful for our marriage and where we find ourselves this year, after ten years of ups and downs that have brought us closer.

While maybe it seems like I've really emphasized the sad times and not all of the wonderful times, it is because it is in times of adversity and sadness that marriages strengthen or weaken.  It takes humility, selflessness, love and much more to have a healthy marriage.  To go through a terribly sad time and lean on each other and go through it together without pushing resentment or anger over the situation onto your spouse.  While much of my Facebook feed and Instragram posts are the "highlight" reel of our lives, it isn't just the happy times that define us and our relationships.  We have found in each other the person we want to experiences life's joy with and life's sadness.  The person whose hand we hold through it all.  The embrace that at the end of a long and stressful day comforts us.   I still get frustrated with Frank, oh believe me, do I get frustrated.  And I am sure I really irritate him as well with my fairly constant requests for him to do something and my picky nature.  I know I can be difficult!  But you know what, we laugh at each other.  We make each other smile.  We compliment each other and say nice things.  I really do fall more in love with Frank each year.  Right now, the sweet man is being super patient with me as I know I am one grumpy pregnant lady.  Those closet to me can attest that I am pretty short fused right now.  I, just this past week, was infuriated with Frank over a private matter.  It's not the first time, nor will it be the last time, that I find myself thinking I could possibly strangle him.  We are both human and we make mistakes.  But I can't see anything dividing us.  We mean too much to each other to not forgive or be patient with one another.  I feel incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful husband.  We have had a busy first ten years of marriage... I wonder what our next ten will bring.  While that part is uncertain, what is certain is I know we will go through whatever comes our way together, hand-in-hand.   

A picture from Summer 2014 

Our sweet Emerson... a look back to her entrance to the world!

Tomorrow Emerson turns 5!  (let's just let that sink in for a moment... )  I never shared her birth story, so I'll indulge myself and share it now.  While I am not going to be graphic, if you are easily grossed out, you should skip down to the last paragraph. :)

Wow, how different life is for us on July 6, 2015 than it was July 6, 2010.  At this point on that exciting birthday eve, I was already at the hospital admitted so they could give me medicine to help with the inducement the next morning.  It was a long night where I was restless and uncomfortable from being 50 pounds heavier and full term and also thinking of the day ahead.  I recall Frank didn't seem to have the same difficulty getting some sleep that night, which is funny now.  Sort of a preview as to how different we are when it comes to sleep and why the phrase "I don't want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband" is so funny and relatable for me!

Early the next morning we were able to get things going with the inducement.  My family was there and the doctor was doing his thing with assessing the situation and preparing to get the delivery in motion.  I was almost 40 weeks, just 3 days shy of that, but still, my body was not doing anything on it's own... I mean nothing!  I was not dilated (just a 1 or 2) and my cervix was not fully softened, but soft enough evidently.  They got pitocin going, but it was not doing much.  I was having contractions, but they were not at all unbearable.  So the doctor broke my water on his own and I remember that after he did that the contractions I was feeling quickly intensified.  So much that I was in tears with the contractions and being unprepared, to be honest, to endure that kind of pain (because I was NOT interested in natural child birth... no thank you!!) I was crying for an epidural pretty quickly.  I remember that feeling of getting the epidural was so strange... that pinch and sharp pain in your spine.  But then the quick relief from the pain like it is magic.  And I mean magic because I felt fantastic after it was in! After that they had to adjust some things with my blood pressure and adjust my body so my BP wouldn't drop.  I could still feel my body as my uterus contracted, but with it being pain free essentially, it was awesome.  I was sleepy and did a little snoozing through the day as family patiently waited and came in to visit throughout the day.  For a while I was not showing much progression, but thankfully after lunch things started moving much more quickly.  By mid afternoon I was almost fully dilated and when the time came to start pushing, I had to wait for my doctor!  (Which, by the way, he came and left it seems after giving the ok to start pushing!)  Frank and I did not attend any lamaze or birth classes so I actually wasn't sure what to do, but the nurse lead the way.  She got one leg and Frank the other and she coached us both through each contraction telling me what to do.  I will say, the nurses were all just so wonderful in labor and delivery... so helpful and understanding.  The nurse set up a mirror so I could see what was happening as I was pushing and I thought that was the coolest thing, yet also so frustrating.  I could see Emerson's head just barely at the very end of each push and then she'd go right back in.  It felt like I couldn't get her fully into position, but the nurse was so encouraging and after around 30-40 minutes I had to stop pushing while we waited on my doctor to come back.  It was not long before he got to the room and with just a few pushes after he was in position, at 4:29 pm, Emerson was born!  Woah!!  I did it!!  Emerson was here!!!  After hearing her cry and them cleaning her up we did our first skin to skin time... I was holding our new baby girl... I was just in some kind of new mom la-la land... completely overwhelmed, in love and in awe.  They did the initial screening things they do with newborns while my doctor finished delivering my placenta, which is the part where I think Frank almost fainted.  Ha ha!  As I was bed bound I know there were lots of things happening around me with the doctor and nurses.  After my skin to skin time they were ready to move me to my postpartum room, which I know my family was, at that point, not so patiently waiting for.  After being in the hospital all day to encourage me and be there for Emerson's birth, the nurses wouldn't let anyone in until after I had the skin-to-skin time with Emerson even though I was ok with visitors.  It is a strict policy at Plano Presby!  

While I was truly exhausted and a little drugged, and because my memory is not always the best, I don't remember too many specifics of our first night after that... just the happiness of our families getting to meet Emerson and I remember Frank helping the nurse with Emerson's first bath.  I remember how Frank instantly was the very best father to her and it both comforted me and melted my heart.  My, how his calm nature and kind heart would help me in my postpartum days (and beyond... and still!) as I learned how to be a new mom.

So there, the brief story of how we welcomed Emerson in to the world on that amazing day that forever changed our lives.  And now it has already been five years... years that have been filled with almost every emotion I can imagine as life takes so many turns.  Through it all, Emerson has brought us such tremendous joy and happiness.  So many times now I will wish I could hold her like I did when she was a baby, and up until a few months ago, I would try.   But instead of her tiny body fitting in my arms, her arms and legs clung to my neck and fell over my arms.  She's become a little lady full of ideas and her own ways of doing things.  I love our time together... she is just so giddy and loving.  The love I have for both of our kids is so uncontrollable/involuntarily strong ... you know that kind of love, the strongest kind of love and something I couldn't imagine or understand until I had Emerson.  The kind where your ability to breathe is somehow linked to their breath... where their cries bring your heart such pain... the kind where just the thought of the person and seeing their happiness brings tears to your eyes... like when I hold her hand as we sit to watch a movie or tv show or cross the street.  Sometimes I can't hold back my emotions and even now I am tears as I think about it.  Oh, how I love, love, love our precious little girl and am so thankful for her.

I'll be taking Emerson in very soon for her well visit and will also update after her birthday party this weekend so I can share more about our sweet big girl. But first, here are just a few pictures of that wonderful day, July 7, 2010!

My sis kept friends and family updated throughout the day!

One of our first family photos  :)

Sweet Emerson's hospital photo

My sweet Emerson!