Cam's long overdue 18 month update! (since he is now almost 20 months!)

I'm so behind, so I will keep this pretty brief!  Little man continues to melt my heart every day.  He is such a tender hearted little boy (or I should perhaps say baby).  He went through a phase a while back where he hardly wanted to be held, but now he wants to be snuggled and loved on all the time.  While it is not easy to get much done when he wants to cuddle, it is really wonderful to have him in my arms and to give him lots of kisses.  His vocabulary continues to grow and he says many phrases.  Some are just two words and some 3-4 words that run together.  "I'm gonna get you!" as he and Emerson chase each other around.  "Hold this" when he wants me to hold his lovey so he can drink his milk.  He loves to say "No" still... all the time!  Ha ha.  Also, "Okay" in this super sweet voice.  One thing that tickles me is that when he is doing something he shouldn't do I will ask him if he wants to be spanked (which I know, that is a dumb question, but it works!) and he will stop what he is doing (for real!) and will say "No" in this adorable voice.  I have no chance of actually spanking him in the future if he continues to respond with that sweet innocent sounding voice, that is, should he start to ignore the threat.  So far so good it would seem...We have so much fun with this little guy.  As far as other details... he is a picky eater, despite my what somewhat vigilant attempts to keep his food variety going.  Interestingly, he loves blackberries.  Yes, you read it right.  Those little tart berries that most adults sort of flinch while eating because they are tart are like candy for Cameron.  He doesn't flinch one bit and shovels them in his mouth.  And speaking of shoveling, I will add that is Cam's preferred method of eating.  Why use the fork or spoon when you can two fist it and shove so much more in to your mouth??  We use our handheld Dyson 2-3 times a day for that reason... and I am considering getting a dog to also help with the matter.  ;)  He loves playing with his sister and they sometimes play and share in harmony, though many times there are some disputes and yelling.  He is not as passive about things as he was before because he will yell "NO!" back to her and has actually gone after her.  It really cracks me up to see him charge after her, but I am quick to diffuse the situation usually!!  He loves to turn light switches on and off and tries to plug things in and out of outlets.  I wish he would not do that so we have to really watch him!  And he enjoys playing with blocks and stacking them... and trying to play with his sister's cars while she isn't looking.  :)  Cam is still a great sleeper and usually goes to bed around 8:30 sleeping until 7:30 or later.  Oddly over the last couple of weeks both kids were really sleeping in and didn't wake up until after 8:30, sometimes 9... and one time 10!  (though the 10am is suspect as I was gone at a hair appt and this was the time Frank woke up and interestingly the kids got up shortly after...hmmmm)  When I took Cam to the doctor these were his measurements:  26 lbs 13 oz (50-75%), 33.5 inches tall (75-90%), and his head was 49 cm (75-90%).

We love our little handsome Small Paul so much!

"Call my Agent"...  aka Mom...

Pumpkin Patch at the Arboretum!

I was really wanting to take the kids to the Arboretum while the weather was nice so I decided KK and I could take them on my day off this past Thursday before my afternoon of relaxation and pampering.  I was hoping for a picture of both of them in the pumpkins together, but that is just about impossible.  Really they were both a tad cranky it seemed and Emerson was not at all interested in helping me get a good picture.  :) But they did have fun running around to explore the pumpkins.  Before we left I bought them both mini pumpkins, which I let Emerson pick from the big mound near the exit.  And I actually am pretty pleased with the pictures I got... especially the picture of Cameron.  He looks so old!!

Frank and I will hopefully head out there together with the kids in the next few weeks to enjoy the garden in the fall.  It is always so beautiful.  

Farewell Lofty Lane

In the midst of dealing with everything else going on in our lives it felt like no one wanted to buy our house.  We would have people interested, but no offers.  Paula, our realtor, had several open houses while we were out of town, and finally we got two offers within a few days of each other.  The first was not strong so we held out for the second offer we hoped would be coming and it did.  While it was not for the amount we hoped, it was a strong offer.  So we countered and the potential buyer walked away... he wasn't willing to pay a penny over the original offer.  We were really blown away... that was the first sign that the buyer seems to be a bit of a hot-head.  But our realtor contacted their realtor and resurrected the offer eventually.  That was a relief.  While we still did not like the amount, it was better than not having a buyer at all!  So then came the inspection.  We have not had any problems with the house at all... nothing outside of normal.  But the inspector found what he thought was a water leak near the pool equipment.  We were surprised and disappointed because we already had so much to deal with.  But we agreed to repair the leak, whatever it was and the buyer's option period came to an end.  Another big relief.  I began calling the Sprinkler company to have them repair the sprinkler leak that seemed to be the source.  Thinking it was all being taken care of we were focusing on Frank's dad as he was not doing well at all... we knew he did not have long, but didn't know how short the time was.  When I returned home and talked with the sprinkler repair man he explained he could not find any leak in the sprinklers.  So I turned to Riverbend again needing them to make absolutely sure nothing was wrong with the hot-tub or equipment.  Really Riverbend had been awful to work with through this... they did not seem to care what the problem was or want to solve it... they just wanted to reiterate it was not their problem to deal with.  During all of this time we were moving out of the house...  and the night after we moved is when Big Frank passed away so we were in Austin.  While in Austin I got in touch with Riverbend to schedule a time for their repair man to meet with the sprinkler repair man because he thought he could help explain what he found.  When I returned from Austin I went to the house to get some last minute things... and with just days before closing I was starting to panic that between Riverbend coming out and the sprinkler guy doing his work we still didn't have the leak resolved. That weekend, Frank, a water leak specialist with Riverbend, came out to do more pressure testing.  They still couldn't figure it out.  Finally a person from Riverbend who really cared and wanted to help us, but he couldn't because he too was not able to figure out what the problem was.  They just knew it absolutely was not the hot-tub or the hot-tub equipment... that it was not the sprinkler system... and that it was not a leak with the plumbing with the house.  All good news except that we still couldn't explain the water that was pooled on the side yard.  This was Saturday with closing scheduled Monday.  On Sunday after talking about the dilemma with our neighbor, we had an epiphany... it was the french drain!  So the wonderful sprinkler repair man rescheduled everything he had scheduled for Monday morning to come to the house first thing to flush the drain and get it to drain properly.  After a couple of hours of pushing a pipe through and looking for clogs, he found a big wad of stuff that was blocking the water from flowing and solved the problem.  This was just minutes before the scheduled closing.  This was just as the buyer's agent came to do the walk through.  Our realtor had us sign an amendment that we repaired the french drain blockage and the buyer's signed it at closing as well... and with that we said goodbye.  

I think with everything that we have gone through recently with Frank's dad that my emotions were spent... I didn't have a tearful moment really... I was sad of course, but really I felt ok.  It had been a wonderful home for our family.  So many cherished memories...  In that house we went through many ups and downs... we had the loss of a pregnancy... the excitement and joy of bringing home two babies... the loss of a beloved pet... 6 years of birthdays, holidays, celebrations.  Lots of memories planting flowers... doing the yard work we were always so proud of.  We remember the fun time we had building the house and picking out all the colors that we wanted.  Watching it go from a mound of dirt, to the slab being poured... framing, bricking, and everything coming together.  We will miss Emerson's beautiful mural and Cameron's room...  It was our house... a really great house with great neighbors.  So yes, we will miss it.  But we are thankful that we have this new house where we will make new memories... and we know this new house will be wonderful for us.  So, farewell Lofty Lane.  We hope the new owners take as good of care as we did and that they, too, have wonderful memories there.  

Emerson's 1st Day of School!

I'm so behind on posting about all the things we have going on!  Emerson started school on September 4th!

The week before we had her open house, which went absolutely terribly.  We had been talking a lot about school trying to promote it to her and get her both excited and used to the idea of school.  The night of open house came and we hurried to get both kids ready to go to the church.  As we were parking in what felt like a very full parking lot, which I noted meant we must have been the last parents to arrive, Emerson started to sort of freak out.  She started saying she didn't like school and she didn't want to go.  I carried her in assuring her it would be fun and that she would like it.  After we got in I realized in my amateur fashion that I neglected to print out the email that had her room number and I couldn't remember her teacher's name because I could hardly pronounce it right.  So I was aimlessly walking around thinking I would recognize it when I saw it.  That is when a sweet lady saw us and asked if she could help so I explained and she joined us walking class to class trying to find the teacher because she was not sure either.  All during this time Emerson was clinging to me as if her life depended on it.  Finally we found the room... Mrs W is what she says to call her.  She was the sweetest lady, but Emerson was still reluctant to even go in the room.  But we got her to go in and distracted her with the toys.  That is when she became engrossed in the play kitchen and was busy with the new toys there.  While she played we visited briefly with her teacher and talked about what to expect.  And then it was nearing time to go to the parent assembly in the old sanctuary.  I wanted to get Emerson and Cameron so we could head over.  I told Emerson we needed to leave and she said "Not Yet!" and because I am trying to get her to do what we tell her I said she would get a spanking if she didn't come with us.  And she still did not stop, which left me no choice.  I grabbed her and spanked her lightly, as I warned I would, and at that moment my daughter became something I have never seen...  She screamed/yelled "NO" louder than I think we have ever heard her scream and with both hands slapped my face as hard as she could...  IN. FRONT. OF. EVERYONE.  The other moms... the other dads... the other kids.... and sweet Mrs W.  I was incredibly angry, more angry than I have ever been with her...  I was MORTIFIED... What must these other people think of me and of Emerson?  Surely they were thinking "What kind of parent is she?"...  I was shocked.  Why would she react this way?  I did not beat her for heaven's sake... I hardly spanked her.  At that moment I wanted to burst into tears... vanish from the room without anyone noticing, but ALL eyes were on us.  Once I looked around to see who was watching the other eyes darted away mostly, except the teacher who calmly came to tell me it was ok and that I should not feel bad.  She knew Emerson was a sweet girl.  Feeling that I was quickly going to lose control of my emotions we hurried to leave and go to the parent assembly.  I could hardly look at Emerson... I was so angry and hurt... and I am not exaggerating when I say my face was still burning because it was.  After the meeting, which thankfully was very short, we left to run a couple of errands before going home.  As we were driving I started to cry... I just couldn't hold it in any longer.  I hated that the open house went that way.  Something I had been looking forward to because I was so excited for Emerson to start school went so horribly.  After a while Frank saw that I was upset and he said to me "You are a great mom"... like he knew I needed to hear those words.  And I did.  Being honest, I am constantly second guessing myself and asking if I am being a good mom... I didn't need that night to go like it did.

So when the first day of school arrived I was hoping it would go much better.  We had just had a very, very awful weekend in Austin as it was when Big Frank had to be admitted back in the hospital.  It was when we were told he would possibly not live more than a week because the cancer was spreading into his brain and he was no longer communicating, but I was torn with no knowing what to do.  I decided to come back home so she could go to school and we could keep the kids in their normal routine.  

The morning went well... we got her dressed in the outfit I picked out.  She was enjoying a good breakfast and then it was time to go.  I got some pictures of her outside and we left the house to take her to school.  When we got to school she was doing great... we saw all the other excited kids and parents taking pictures outside for the big day.  We, of course, took some as well and in we went to walk to her classroom.  Before getting there we even stopped for a first day fo school picture using their photographer.  When we arrived at Mrs W's classroom Emerson was excited.  She went right in and started playing.  I explained briefly to Mrs. W that we may be needing to leave town quickly depending on what happened with Big Frank so she would know.  While discussing this Emerson was busy playing and didn't even see us.  So Kristen and I slipped away without causing a stir and all was calm.  It went perfectly... no tears... no screaming... just a sweet and happy 3 year old playing with new friends... and a weary and exhausted mom relieved that there were no struggles that morning.  I actually feel that my emotions for a brief moment were gleeful...  This very important and special day went well... thank you Lord.  I DID need that.  

Since then I would say Emerson has done great adjusting to the routine with school.  Sometimes she is tired in the mornings when KK gets her ready, but normally it goes smoothly.  She brings home lots of fun artwork.  She has recently started singing some new songs that I think she must be learning there.  And she has dance on Wednesdays, which she also seems to enjoy.  It is all going so well... she is even doing great with eating her lunch half the time!  :)

Enjoying her favorite breakfast... pancakes!!

All ready to go!!

The photo taken by the school photographer.  She was grinning because she threw the apple that was sitting on the books originally!!

The End of a Journey Much Too Soon

Someone told Frank and I that this would be the hardest thing we'd go through.  I think we were at the hospital, which became such a familiar place for us all.  I remember acknowledging the comment yet at the time not fully understanding.  Big Frank was still with us then and our focus was on the now.  Still trying to hope that something could happen to make things better, yet knowing that it would not be.

We have found that comment to be true.  Something said maybe to help prepare us for the tremendous sadness we would feel, but there is no preparing.  Our hearts are heavy for so many reasons.   I mentioned before many of the things I was sad for when we knew this life we planned wouldn't go as planned.  These vacations we would take where Big Frank would be here to play golf with his sons and teach his grandchildren will not happen.  Big Frank won't be here to make the pinching sound as he would playfully pinch the kids to make them laugh.  We won't have more birthdays, holidays, or other special moments with him, at least not on this earth.  What we have is what we have and while I am thankful for the memories we have, they are not enough.  And while the intentions of so many are to help us, thinking of those memories and remembering the good times will never be enough.  It feels like we have had to go through this much, much too soon.  And we are asking why because it doesn't make sense and it hurts.  Usually, now, we are ok.  We have moments where we are overcome with sadness, but in general our days are so busy and hectic with our kids.  But we have not returned to Austin yet, and I know that when we do it will hit me again like a freight train.  I'll feel the absence of Big Frank's presence as I walk through their house.  And I know it will feel like it has happened all over again because we won't be adjusted to being there without him.  This sadness we feel comes in waves.  For a few weeks I would cry every day on my way to work thinking of the memories and the sadness for everyone.  Now I am usually ok unless I really start thinking about it and usually I try not to all the time.  But sometimes a song will come on the radio and for some reason it's like we are in Austin and we are driving to the hospital to see his dad.  It feels like we should be stopping for coffee, some pastries so we could pick up his favorites, or Taco Shack so he could have breakfast tacos.  We should be parking in the front of the hospital in the valet area since it is free on the weekends and then be able to visit with Dorthy and Big Frank.  All of these memories and thoughts instantly fill my mind and I will tear up realizing that we aren't going to see his Dad.

Everyone asks me how my Frank is... and I think he is ok.  He honestly is better than I am.  His sadness is there, but he continues on and really is doing well.  I know he misses his dad.  And that there is a place that cannot be filled by anyone or anything because his dad was such a special part of his life.  And really that is a huge part of what makes this all so hard.  My sadness is not just about what I am missing, it's the enormity of the loss to everyone Big Frank touched.  His wife, his children, his grandchildren, his brother, other family, friends... It is that everyone hurts and things won't ever be the same.

What has helped greatly with all of this has been the support from friends and family.  My family came to Big Frank's funeral and so did my sweet friends Stefanie and Sue.  That meant so much.  The flowers my girlfriends sent brought tears to my eyes just knowing they were trying to lift our spirits.  And all the cards from friends... such wonderful support.  It's a powerful emotion that I feel to know that the prayers and thoughts from so many people were sent to help us get through this time.

I know it will continue to be hard for us, especially with the holidays coming soon.  We will just have things as they come and do what we can.  We will feel how we feel and that will be what it is.  Being a planner I want to try to plan things and make things ok, but I realize I cannot control this.  Nothing will make this easy... we just have to do it and live it...

I'd like to share the poem we selected for Big Frank's service program.  While the message usually makes me cry, I think it helps:

I Am Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free 

to follow the path God made for me.

I took His hand when I heard Him call.

I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,

to love, to laugh, to work or play,

Tasks left undone must stay that way,

for I found peace at last, that day.

If my parting has left a void,

Then fill it with remembering joy.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,

oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with hearts of sorrow.

My wish for you is the hope of tomorrow.

My life's been full, I've savored much,

good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed much too brief,

don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your hearts and share with me,

God wants me now --- He's set me free.  

Below are a few pictures that mean a lot to me...

Dorthy holding Big Frank's hand in the ICU.

Big Frank holding the cross he gave Dorthy.

Some of my favorite pictures of Big Frank with the kids.

Big Frank's casket at the visitation.

Sweet Cameron before the funeral.

Emerson before the funeral... Big Frank would have thought she looked so beautiful.

The kid's fingerprints on top of Big Frank's vault at the cemetery.  They will always be with him.

We miss Big Frank so so much.  

Cam is 16 months old!

Ok, so I am a month behind on this one too, but Cam Cam is 16 months old.  Almost a month ago now he had his 15 month checkup and everything was great.

I will have to locate the sheet that has his weight on it so I can update that (seriously it is somewhere in my purse, potentially... I hope!), but I know he gained weight and bounced back up to another growth curve.  The doctor said he looked great and was pleased with his development.  He not only walks now, but almost trots along rather quickly.  Turn your back for a second and he is gone!  Now he never crawls...  :(  Funny how I couldn't wait for him to walk, and now it is a little sad that he doesn't crawl!!  (I know I am looney-tunes).  I guess it was around 13 1/2 months... it has been a while now.  I got a sweet video several weeks back of him walking all over Frank and Dorthy's driveway.  Here is that video, which I really love!  :)

Cam has started saying some more words now so he has a few that he likes to say:

Bye-Bye---  sounds like Bah-Buuuuuyyy with a sort of Texan drawl
Night-Night---  more like Nigh-Nigh
Yum--- sounds like Yum (ha ha) He says this when eating
Down--- More like Daaaunn, but hard to type how it sounds.  We know he is saying this because when you hold him he immediately starts saying it and trying to get out of your arms!  :)
Mamma and Dadda--- this is the same as before
Yeah---  Says Yeah when you ask him questions or talk to him sometimes
Unh-Unh--- So I am not sure how this is spelled, but it is him saying no when I try to take a toy from him.  We try not to say "No" all the time so we say Unh-Unh... he is doing the same to us.

He also repeats sounds you make... for example, if we say to him "Say ball" he will copy the sound, but he doesn't say ball all the time without being prompted.

Also, he doesn't say no, but he adamantly shakes his head left and right to let us know of his disapproval to whatever it is.  If he doesn't like the food, lots of head shaking.  If he doesn't want to come to you when you tell him to he shakes his head.  Actually, pretty much any time you ask him something he will shake his head no unless you are offering milk or some kind of treat.

Just a few short weeks ago Cam would eat pretty much anything.  We commented often how fantastic it was that he was such a good eater and was so flexible.  But then suddenly he changed his mind and pretty much overnight stopped liking some of his old favorites... no much fruit or apple sauce pouches... he can't stand them now...  doesn't like yogurt like he did before... he doesn't even like macaroni it seems!!  I don't know what happened... it is crazy.  It really feels like he suddenly got tired of those things.  So we will keep trying and giving him different foods.  Maybe this is just a phase... of course everything is "just a phase".

Something else is happening more and more often, though...  Sweet little guy has developed a pretty big temper.  It was fairly infrequent before, but now he often throws what seems to be a tantrum.  Legs are pulsing up and down kicking, screaming on and on... HEAD BUTTING me!!!  And he tries to slap my face sometimes, too!  He doesn't know how to process the anger, so we are working on that.  Don't get me wrong... he is still my little prince charming... he melts my heart, but he has a temper for sure.  :)

Cam loves his naps and to go to bed.  You tell him it is time for night-night and he giggles!!  He can hardly contain his excitement sometimes when I am changing him to get to bed...  I try snuggling with him and he usually almost tries to climb out of my arms into bed!!  While this is usually the case the other night I was holding him and he was comfortable in my arms and made that sweet baby sigh... that sound that little itty bitty newborns make sometimes.  It almost made me cry... I squeezed him and kissed him and laid him down to sleep.   Usually he is in bed by 8:30 or so and wakes up between 7:30 and 8...  usually!!  :)

He is great about responding to commands... we will ask him to drink more milk when he is shoveling food in his mouth and sometimes he disagrees, but many times he will take a drink like we ask.  When you tell him you are going to change his diaper he will sometimes go over to the diapers and try to open the cabinet to pull them out and then walks over to the couch... KK showed me that the other day.  In the morning I will pick him up and tell him to say bye-bye to the pacifier and many times he takes it out and drops it in the crib and then tosses his lovies in there as well.  He knows what it means to "go upstairs" and heads to the stairs to go up.  When people say bye-bye he says it back and sort of waves.  He is learning new things every week and copies his big sister on a lot of things!

Alecia took some fantastic family pictures for us several weeks ago that I need to post on here and I have not taken as many pictures lately, so I just have a couple of pictures of Cam for now.  Look at how big our little munch is getting!

Sometimes he still sleeps with his legs curled up under him and I think it is so sweet.

Look at that sweet smile!  

Our baby girl turned 3!

Eek!!  It's the end of August and I never posted anything about Emerson turning 3 as I intended.  We have been so busy!!  I actually started this post a month ago or more and have not found the time to finish it until tonight... though finding the time is not necessarily the case.  I guess I am making the time!!  Here is what I had saved as a start:

It really does seem crazy to me that we have a three year old.  Where has the time gone?  Wasn't it just yesterday that we brought her home??  Or that she started walking and then speaking in sentences??  Now she is rapidly morphing into a teenager it seems!  OK, not a teenager... that is overly dramatic, but time does need to slow down. :)  The last year has passed much too quickly because it really does seem like she just turned two.  I guess a lot of that is because we have two little loves that keep us busy and time gets away from us.  Emerson is such a special little sweetheart.  She is both gentle and tough at the same time.  She picks up on other people's feelings and will say the simplest, and kindest things.  As adults we feel and think in such complex terms, but our sweet angel has a different perspective.  All of life's boo-boo's can be fixed with a kiss or a sticker (bandaid).  At some point Emerson started saying really long sentences and figured things out.  Her mind may be young, but she is a smart little girl.  Our favorite things she does are when she calls us "baby" like when she says, "it's over there baby" when pointing to something.  Her giggle is contagious and will always make you smile.  Sometimes we sing together at night and her little angelic voice is music to our ears.  Her favorite songs are "You are my Sunshine", "ABC's, "Wanda and CC's song" (she means Amanda and CC, and there song is a unique version of Jesus Loves Me), "Happy Birthday" (yes, for real), and sometimes "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".  Every night we sing the entire repertoire before she will go to bed.

So now I will add...

I really just can't express in words the joy Emerson brings us... just her smile brightens my day.  Her hugs send a feeling of love and sweetness through me.  Her voice is so soft and sweet... she is irresistible in every way.  It is strange how old she seems some times... she says things that surprise us... it is fun being able to reason with her and actually talk through things.  But how can this be?

We are so excited that our little big girl starts pre-school NEXT WEEK!!   She will be going Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 9-2 and also having dance class Wednesdays from 2-2:45.   This is truly exciting for her and us.  Since we are so very fortunate to be able to have a nanny, Emerson has always been home and doesn't have a ton of exposure to other kids.  I think this is going to be really great for her social interactions, her ability to share (good luck to the teachers!), learning how to spell her name, and so much more.  I have some concerns of course... one being the lunch situation.  She is still a very picky eater so it will be challenging to pack her lunch, but we will figure it out.  Maybe she will see other kids eating different things and will want to try something new.  Is that way too wishful thinking?  Probably so.  :)  I'm also a little worried about her using the potty there.  We help her with everything here and she does really great, but I am wondering how much they will be able to help her there.  So we will cross our fingers it is a great transition that is accident free.  I know she will adjust and have so much fun, but I am a tad worried.

I guess these are the highlights for now...  so here are a couple of pictures of our amazing 3 year old!!  :)

Emerson and Grandad- she was brightening his day in the hospital!

Emerson trying our her new nap mat that she will be using in pre-school!!

Here is a video of Emerson singing her favorite songs... I just love this video.  Notice how she says "You make me happy when skies are great."  Oh goodness, our little sweetheart.  :)